Sunday, February 8, 2009

A mighty wind!

Hi folks!

It's true that the wind does blow something fierce here in Kurdistan sometimes. While I normally refrain from using scatological humor in this space, this story is worth the tell.

I was sitting on the john last night, minding my own business (no pun intended), when a huge gust of wind came along and rattled the roofing sheets like they were made of paper. I thought maybe an animal had gotten between the roofing sheets and the ceiling. But we ain't got 'coons or critters like 'at here. Just birds and cats, and the occasional dog. A bird wouldn't make that much noise, and a cat would meowl if he got stuck up there, and I don't think a dog could get up to our roof. So, I'm sitting there in a rather compromised position, and the only think I can think of is that a banshee is crawling around above the ceiling, waiting for me to finish, so that she can finish me and haul me down with her to her infernal punishment.

Now, when I was a kid, when we lived in England, there was a brand of snack-chippy type thingies called 'Monster Munch'. They were basically puffed corn shaped in various forms that supposedly resembled monsters or their various ugly body parts. They were flavored with a good dose of MSG and other stuff....the best flavor was pickled-onion. We sometimes still get a packet once in a while, when someone travels to the UK. Luckily for me, though, the bonus part of the Monster Munch packet is that each one describes a different monster, and how to defeat it and/or escape from it.

So, I recalled the Monster Munch packet with the Banshee.

There is no running away from a Banshee. She flies too fast.

What you do is, when she starts wailing, you wail back at her at the same frequency, which, according to the laws of physics, cancels out the sound coming from her direction. Needless to say, howling and wailing in the night becomes a little unsettling to the other residents of the house. Luckily, I am in a locked bathroom and they can't get to me with the straitjacket. They COULD knock the door in and get to me that way, but that would cause even more uproar, and probably upset the Banshee even more. So they wait patiently in the hallway with the straitjacket and a bludgeon (just in case).

They don't know about the Banshee between the roofing sheets and the ceiling. They just think I'm going crazy in the toilet.

Well, I finished my business, having quieted the Banshee at least temporarily, climbed out the window onto the roof terrace, made my way back to the main entrance of the house, casually climbed the stairs, greeted the gawkers in the hallway, and opened the door to my room and went to sleep.

It was a bitch to climb back up to the bathroom window the next morning to unlock the door from the inside.....

I think I have been reading too much James Thurber! Hehe.

Hope you all got the fact that the foregoing was fiction. I really don't believe in Banshees, no matter what they print on the Monster Munch packets!

Love and Peace to all!

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